I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
