ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
