So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
