Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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