so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
