Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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