i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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