So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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