They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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