apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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