There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
