u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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