there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
