just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
