If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
