'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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