I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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