he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
