I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
