My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
