I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize