Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
