So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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