I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
