Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
