Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
