four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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