hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
