He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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