why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
