We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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