On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
