I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
