why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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