you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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