Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
