Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
