Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
