you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
