i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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