bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
