It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i think i just lost a toe
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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