I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
