im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
