She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
