piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
