I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
