He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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