Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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