there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
