if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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