I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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