shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
