The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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