life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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