I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
