I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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