mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
