angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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