god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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