I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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