I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Duck Duck Cougar?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
