I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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