mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
