I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
