i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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