don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
