Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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